I am broken.
That was one of the hardest things I think I've ever had to admit to myself. I am broken.
Let me start from the beginning- I started this blog after I felt my life was "fixed". After I had gone through some years of trials and heartache, but when I started writing I was "fixed". I was in the happily ever after bubble of accepting Jesus that I believed existed. I believed because of my past struggles, I could move forward into the future and now be able to fill the role of the person who encourages.
The thing is though: my life isn't fixed. It never was. I had this unrealistic expectation that since I had committed my life to God, from now on it was be easy- atlas easier. I built up the expectations that God would do my fixing and He would make everything perfect because He loves me.
Ok, deep breath moment.... that's not how it works.
God doesn't need me. He chooses me to be a part of His kingdom to bring glory to Himself. So, truth number one I learned: it's not about me, it's about Him.
Don't believe me, let's look at scripture. I grew up on the bible stories. I had this simplified, colored, easy to understand version of the bible when I had just learned to read. In church every Sunday, while the pastor would give his sermon, I would quietly read the bible stories. I know all about the so-called "heroes" of the bible. David defeating Goliath, Abraham faithfully trusting in God and being willing to sacrifice his son Isaac, Daniel in the lions den. All of these men look to be the "heroes" of these bible stories.
Warning, I'm about to burst your nice image of these heroes. Guess what, these men did great things but two things stand out to me. One, they did these things through faith, through God. It was because of the Lord that they were protected and prevailed. And second, these men were sinners. They sinned. They were imperfect, because they were human. They failed. They were broken.
It's about Him. It's about God. He is the one with the plan, and He is focused on a picture that is much bigger than any of us can comprehend. So maybe God's mission isn't all about making my life ok. Not all about fixing my problems.
Truth number two: we need God because of our brokenness.
If our lives were perfect, if this life was easy, if we had it all under control, would we need Him? Would we still cling to Him for strength and protection? I would like to say I would, but have you ever noticed how people tend to start praying a whole lot harder when life gets tough? God can use our brokenness to bring us closer to Him.
It's really hard for me to accept my brokenness. Wounds I thought were healed, can unexpectedly be opened again. Things of my past can come back for me to face. Committing your life to the Lord isn't the end to a tragedy, it's the beginning of the greatest love story.
I'm praying for all who feel broken right now. This life is really hard sometimes. I pray that you would cling tighter to your faith and that you would draw closer to God during difficult times.
* 'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
*The song "Blessings" by Laura Story I think perfectly sums up how perfectly imperfect it is to be broken.
That was one of the hardest things I think I've ever had to admit to myself. I am broken.
Let me start from the beginning- I started this blog after I felt my life was "fixed". After I had gone through some years of trials and heartache, but when I started writing I was "fixed". I was in the happily ever after bubble of accepting Jesus that I believed existed. I believed because of my past struggles, I could move forward into the future and now be able to fill the role of the person who encourages.
The thing is though: my life isn't fixed. It never was. I had this unrealistic expectation that since I had committed my life to God, from now on it was be easy- atlas easier. I built up the expectations that God would do my fixing and He would make everything perfect because He loves me.
Ok, deep breath moment.... that's not how it works.
God doesn't need me. He chooses me to be a part of His kingdom to bring glory to Himself. So, truth number one I learned: it's not about me, it's about Him.
Don't believe me, let's look at scripture. I grew up on the bible stories. I had this simplified, colored, easy to understand version of the bible when I had just learned to read. In church every Sunday, while the pastor would give his sermon, I would quietly read the bible stories. I know all about the so-called "heroes" of the bible. David defeating Goliath, Abraham faithfully trusting in God and being willing to sacrifice his son Isaac, Daniel in the lions den. All of these men look to be the "heroes" of these bible stories.
Warning, I'm about to burst your nice image of these heroes. Guess what, these men did great things but two things stand out to me. One, they did these things through faith, through God. It was because of the Lord that they were protected and prevailed. And second, these men were sinners. They sinned. They were imperfect, because they were human. They failed. They were broken.
It's about Him. It's about God. He is the one with the plan, and He is focused on a picture that is much bigger than any of us can comprehend. So maybe God's mission isn't all about making my life ok. Not all about fixing my problems.
Truth number two: we need God because of our brokenness.
If our lives were perfect, if this life was easy, if we had it all under control, would we need Him? Would we still cling to Him for strength and protection? I would like to say I would, but have you ever noticed how people tend to start praying a whole lot harder when life gets tough? God can use our brokenness to bring us closer to Him.
It's really hard for me to accept my brokenness. Wounds I thought were healed, can unexpectedly be opened again. Things of my past can come back for me to face. Committing your life to the Lord isn't the end to a tragedy, it's the beginning of the greatest love story.
I'm praying for all who feel broken right now. This life is really hard sometimes. I pray that you would cling tighter to your faith and that you would draw closer to God during difficult times.
* 'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
*The song "Blessings" by Laura Story I think perfectly sums up how perfectly imperfect it is to be broken.
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