Like a million other people in the world when Sadie Robertson released her newest book "Live Fearless", I was excited, bought the book quickly, and read it through in one sitting. Of course, while I was reading I was daydreaming about one day getting to guest blog on her website, or go on my own tour one day. Of course those are just daydreams and in reality, I finished the book inspired, highlighted a bunch of bible verses about conquering fear and moved on with my life. That was until June 3rd.
The church my family attends is not the same church I attend with my youth group. This particular Sunday I happened to be at my "youth group church" instead of my "mom's church". I randomly was sitting with a friend of mine talking about the upcoming mission trip the youth group was going on in a few weeks. My youth leader overheard our conversation and came to me after church saying they had one spot left and it was mine if I wanted it. So, on a rainy Sunday morning, God handed me an opportunity.
Now to understand this story, we have to go back to two years ago when this all started. Actually, five if you want it from the beginning. When I was 11 years old I heard about mission trips for the first time. I fell in love with the idea of going somewhere to serve others in the Lord's name. For four years it was just a dream, but the fall of 2016 I decided to take the plunge and sign up for the 2017 mission trip with my youth group that summer. For years travel has been a lot harder for me than most. Due to severe anxiety and just a lot of health complications over the years it has been really hard for me travel. Early spring of 2017, I decided it was too emotionally and physically taxing on me to be anxious about the trip and I pulled out. I was devastated and disappointed, but I just couldn't do it.
Back to last month... I hadn't signed up for the trip in the fall like everyone else and was not planning to go until 2 weeks before the day of departure, God places this opportunity in my hands. For 48 hours I wrestled with the decision of whether or not to go. On a practical level, I had to check with my job (I was conveniently off that week), had to find the funds (thank you Mom) and find some shorts that went to my knees (Walmart for the win). Fear is messy and ugly and truthfully, I didn't sleep. I had trouble eating, I couldn't make this small decision because my fear was completely in the way. In all honesty, the deciding factor of me accepting this opportunity were two questions asked of me: 1) Is this fear talking or you talking? 2) Would this have worked out so perfectly if God didn't want you to go? I knew the answers to these questions and so I signed my life away on a thousand permission slips and prepared to leave in 14 days.
God truly does right the best stories, because the end to this saga is a happy ending. It was amazing! I loved every minute of it and I'm already planning for next year.
Maybe this wouldn't be that hard for you. Maybe my anxiety seems stupid and pointless to you. In all honesty, I look back and shake my head at the girl who cried until two am too afraid to commit to going. In this world, we're so afraid of failing. We are so afraid of things going wrong. But y'all you can't fail God. You just can't. Let's say this story didn't have the "happy" ending that it did- maybe I added another state to my list of hospital locations, maybe I couldn't get myself out of bed in the morning, maybe I had to go home early. And y'all if I did, life would have been ok.
I love Sadie Robertson and her message to "Live Fearless" is critical for this world right now. She truly has conquered fear and been able to find her faith through it. I am definitely not in the same place as her. I'm still going to be scared. The raw truth is next time I will still be scared. I will still have fear, but I will continue to push myself. Continue to seek God for His strength when I am weakened by fear. My prayer for you is that you wouldn't focus on being fearless, but would pursue a relationship with the Lord where He strengthens you beyond your fears.
Live fearless y'all.
The church my family attends is not the same church I attend with my youth group. This particular Sunday I happened to be at my "youth group church" instead of my "mom's church". I randomly was sitting with a friend of mine talking about the upcoming mission trip the youth group was going on in a few weeks. My youth leader overheard our conversation and came to me after church saying they had one spot left and it was mine if I wanted it. So, on a rainy Sunday morning, God handed me an opportunity.
Now to understand this story, we have to go back to two years ago when this all started. Actually, five if you want it from the beginning. When I was 11 years old I heard about mission trips for the first time. I fell in love with the idea of going somewhere to serve others in the Lord's name. For four years it was just a dream, but the fall of 2016 I decided to take the plunge and sign up for the 2017 mission trip with my youth group that summer. For years travel has been a lot harder for me than most. Due to severe anxiety and just a lot of health complications over the years it has been really hard for me travel. Early spring of 2017, I decided it was too emotionally and physically taxing on me to be anxious about the trip and I pulled out. I was devastated and disappointed, but I just couldn't do it.
Back to last month... I hadn't signed up for the trip in the fall like everyone else and was not planning to go until 2 weeks before the day of departure, God places this opportunity in my hands. For 48 hours I wrestled with the decision of whether or not to go. On a practical level, I had to check with my job (I was conveniently off that week), had to find the funds (thank you Mom) and find some shorts that went to my knees (Walmart for the win). Fear is messy and ugly and truthfully, I didn't sleep. I had trouble eating, I couldn't make this small decision because my fear was completely in the way. In all honesty, the deciding factor of me accepting this opportunity were two questions asked of me: 1) Is this fear talking or you talking? 2) Would this have worked out so perfectly if God didn't want you to go? I knew the answers to these questions and so I signed my life away on a thousand permission slips and prepared to leave in 14 days.
God truly does right the best stories, because the end to this saga is a happy ending. It was amazing! I loved every minute of it and I'm already planning for next year.
Maybe this wouldn't be that hard for you. Maybe my anxiety seems stupid and pointless to you. In all honesty, I look back and shake my head at the girl who cried until two am too afraid to commit to going. In this world, we're so afraid of failing. We are so afraid of things going wrong. But y'all you can't fail God. You just can't. Let's say this story didn't have the "happy" ending that it did- maybe I added another state to my list of hospital locations, maybe I couldn't get myself out of bed in the morning, maybe I had to go home early. And y'all if I did, life would have been ok.
I love Sadie Robertson and her message to "Live Fearless" is critical for this world right now. She truly has conquered fear and been able to find her faith through it. I am definitely not in the same place as her. I'm still going to be scared. The raw truth is next time I will still be scared. I will still have fear, but I will continue to push myself. Continue to seek God for His strength when I am weakened by fear. My prayer for you is that you wouldn't focus on being fearless, but would pursue a relationship with the Lord where He strengthens you beyond your fears.
Live fearless y'all.
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